A Practice of Kindness
Wikipedia says that “Kindness is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern and consideration for others. It is known as a virtue and is recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.”
What is Kindness?
For us, kindness comes from a basis of good values and great wisdom, founded in our beliefs.
More information and cool exercises can be found in the course on Self Mastery Part 1.
Why bring kindness into this blog page which is aimed at business people?
Well, its pretty core to our success in life and an intelligent business strategy.
Your brain can't tell the difference between a threat that is real or imagined...
Your Amygdala
These tiny brain elements are responsible for how we react to threats from around us.
Get this: the threats can be real or imaginary.
It’s called conditioned fear.
The fight, freeze, flight response is instinctual.
Imagine that you have a machine in your brain that is responsible for your sad, bad and mad?!
The good news is that it can be trained to new responses and defaults.
Let's Explore Kindness
In our modern times, we experience a great deal of harshness, judgement, criticism, competition, danger and suffering. Not to mention the rush, clutter, noise and stress in our day. Because the human mind defaults to negativity – its not your fault, it is the Amygdala – its seen as quite normal to have a mostly bad day, most of the time. Imagine that! This makes us feel the unkindness in the world and act accordingly, doesn’t it?
What we have to do then, is consciously decide what we believe and how we will approach our day and all the people in it.
Kind people are happier people!
Happy people earn 37% more,
work less
and are more attractive to be around.
So, kindness then..
Only when I reached my 30s did I start to realize how much of the way a person treats me, isn’t about me or something I did to them. It’s about what is going on inside them.
I read somewhere that you get three kinds of unkind people: Those who are jealous of you. Those who see you as a threat, or those who hate themselves.
I taught myself to get past other people’s behaviour and let it go. Most often it was none of my business.
Be kind because of who you are, and not who they are. Deserving or not. It’s how you roll.
So, kindness then, comes from within the kind person, not the recipient of their kindness.
Stress, as we know, is a health hazard and even a killer. An amazing discovery was that when one does random acts of kindness, like letting someone merge in the traffic, smiling instead of cursing or like telling someone they look nice today or that they did well in a meeting, your endorphins spike in that moment.
Jonathan D. Haidt, a professor of psychology at NYU, wrote about the idea of endorphin elevation, the “warm uplifting feeling that people experience when they see unexpected acts of human goodness, kindness, courage, or compassion.”
In fact, so much so that happier sales people earn 37% more on average, work less and are far more attractive to be around.
What Kindness isn’t
Sometimes we have to be tough or experience some toughness in others to get the gift of the message. Sometimes we need to say ‘no’.
Kindness isn’t something we can use to snatch the moral high ground and be ‘better than others’. Its not the same as being nice. It’s not allowing others to use us or push us around.
It isn’t always a natural default. We have to learn it and teach it to our children.
Further, Professor Haidt says that this is contagious. It’s viral. It can become the culture in your home, at work and in any space where you find yourself.
"Kill them with kindness."
Make it a Habit
Many people are brought up with a fearful scarcity mentality. Which means, you have to take all you can because there is a lack out there. It stems from a fear based, limiting belief system.
Imagine their surprise to learn about the executive of a billion-dollar business described its customer service strategy as “kill them with kindness.” If the product had a defect, the company shipped a new one next-day with no questions asked. There was no business case to prove the math worked, but the company believed in it. And the word spread, and the business quadrupled in five years. How many businesses have now adopted this approach? And how do we feel about this business now?
Peter Lorimer, the CEO of Beverly Hills, California-based PLG Estates agrees, he uses this approach in negotiations. Catch him on InMan.com.
Kindness then, is a Mindset
Kindness comes from a basis of respect for the humanity in someone. When one is kind, the recipient feels worthy. What could be a greater gift?
Kindness appears to function very similarly to forgiveness. Have you heard the adage that hating/resentment/anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other will die? It turns out a Johns Hopkins psychiatrist, Karen Swartz, notes that forgiving others actually relieves your own stress and lowers your blood pressure. As the late Maya Angelou said, “It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everyone.”
So, kindness then, begins with me
In sum, doesn’t this appear to be a good way to work and live?
Best,
The Business Coaching System team